Billie Eilish opened up to British GQ in a new interview about how she dresses and how body confidence factors into the decision.
The 18-year-old singer says: “Here’s a bomb for you: I have never felt desired. My past boyfriends never made me feel desired. None of them. And it’s a big thing in my life that I feel I have never been physically desired by somebody. So I dress the way I dress as I don’t like to think of you guys – I mean anyone, everyone – judging it, or the size of it. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t wake up one day and decide to wear a tank top, which I have done before.”
She added, “Sometimes I dress like a boy. Sometimes I dress like a swaggy girl. And sometimes I feel trapped by this persona that I have created, because sometimes I think people view me not as a woman.”
Billie also reveals she was crying alone in a hotel room in Berlin two years ago, thinking about ways she was going to “die” while scrolling on social media.
“Oh, God. It’s unbelievable,” the five-time Grammy winner responded when the hate she’s received on social media was brought up. “I almost killed myself because of Twitter a couple of years ago.
Billie said that she was “snapped back to reality” when she thought about her mom, Maggie, and brother Finneas O’Connell. She said they were both with her right before she was left by herself, but went out to grab food. “I clearly wanted to be alone, as I had things on my mind that I was, sort of, planning. And I think they could tell, so instead of not going, they went, but as they went they texted my tour manager, who was in the same hotel,” she said.
She added the tour manager, who she had worked with since she was 14, came to her room and helped her laugh it off.